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Things I Think Are Funny

11/15/2009

Hilarious!  I don’t know how people miss the joke.

 

Dear Amber: Is it ok to let my Christian daughter masturbate?

Amber Replies:

Masturbation is another form of pornography that will infest your daughter’s mind and serve as a gateway to far worse sexual activities.

Studies show that 87% of the women who become prostitutes did so because of unbridled masturbation as a teenager, and over 90% of girls who become pregnant as teenagers did so because of masturbation loosened their morals and made them more apt to engage in unprotected fornication.

Masturbation will make your daughter very comfortable exploring her body, and it will not be long until she begins to envision other people partaking in the deviant behavior with her

Amber makes a postChristWire’s Stop Internet Porn Week: Your Daughter Can Become An Online Prostitute

There is a new dangerous trend called ‘cam-whoring’ that is sweeping across our teenage female cohort at an alarming rate.

If your teen daughter is on the internet, unsupervised, and has a web-camera studies show that there is a 66% chance that she has been approached by a male seeking online sexual favors.

More than half of the time, your teenage daughter will comply.

[...]

After they finally seduce your daughter into creating a perverted video, they then sell the footage to internet pornography sites for thousands of dollars. Congratulations, your daughter has now been traumatized for life and is an online prostitute.

It’s as simple as that and that’s why there are millions of pornography sites. Imagine the disgusted guilt in your heart if you let Satan convince you to sneak and then pay for an online subscription to one of these filthy sites, then you click play on a video and see your daughter dancing around in her bedroom, rubbing her erogenous areas in all sorts of sick, life threatening ways.

You would never forgive yourself, especially since you couldn’t admit what you had done or seen and had to watch her continue to live a life that leads to disease, prostitution and then death.

Just one more: Communist Chinese Build World’s First Sex Park

The Chinese are calling the park ‘Love Land’ and are using American English on all the signs, all in attempts to make their population have giant orgies in the park and have even more male children. Make no mistake that even all Chinese zygotes hate America with all their heart and will be ready for the make war with our peace loving nation.

In addition to all of these anti-God things, the Chinese park also has numerous sex shops where traveling American businessmen can be tempted to get a message and then betray their marriage vows to their wife.

My friends, the perversions of China are as pungent as month old soy sauce.

—–

If it’s wrong to laugh at that, I don’t want to be right.

ok wait - these too hahahahhahahahah!!!!!:

Hula Hoops are a remnant “toy” from the hippy 1960s drug culture and teach children how to be hookers. Liberal parents from the 1960s thought it was okay for their kids to be little devilwhores, so they bought them these hula hoops to teach them to sway themselves in sinful ways and embrace the open drug-sex culture that lead to AIDs.

 

 

  1. 11/15/2009 at 5:34 AM | #1

    As funny as christwire is, it’s also quite schocking..really leads one to doubt humanity as an intelligent species.

    • FW
      11/15/2009 at 6:21 AM | #2

      Agreed – I don’t know what’s more interesting: that I’ve read many other sites that say almost those same things but are totally serious, or that so many people can’t see that it’s a joke. And there are always some folks who’ll say something like : “I agree that hula hoops are for training hookers, but you shouldn’t make it sound like Michelle Obama is training hookers” – where they agree with like 90% of the craziness & it’s just that extra 10% that makes it wrong.

  2. chantalstanford
    11/15/2009 at 7:06 AM | #4

    What the hell is all i can say …
    its so absurd its funny.

  3. Megan
    11/29/2009 at 1:24 AM | #5

    “Masterbation will make your daughter very comfortable exploring her body.” Wow. Yeah, she might even start to love and trust herself!

    • FW
      11/30/2009 at 10:44 PM | #6

      I know! “More than half of the time, your teenage daughter will comply.” cracks me up everytime I read it!

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